I have a dream, a song to sing
Mamma Mia! Bildungsroman. Growing up, being confused, moving forward anyways.
When I was still seeing my therapist she taught me about a technique called reframing.
It involves taking a challenging or triggering situation and trying to look at it from a different, more positive, perspective.
It seems really obvious. It is really obvious. Yet, sometimes things feel so deep and all consuming that it becomes impossible to see them any other way.
I have been living in Montana for 115 days, and I have 18 days left. I am 21 years old. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.
These things are all true. These are all things I think about almost constantly. It becomes this deep and all-consuming thing, trying to figure out your life.
I have always been someone who is internally motivated. I put insane amounts of pressure on myself, even when the people around me are doing nothing but supporting me. Almost since I got to Montana I have been thinking about what the next right move is. What job should I get? Where should I move? Should I work seasonally again? Or apply to entry-level positions relating to my degree? Do I even like my degree? What do I want out of life? Am I good enough to be a writer? Do I want to be a writer? Should I just travel? Am I capable of doing this on my own?
The answer is that I don’t know. I’m only 21 and I honestly have no idea what I want out of life, or even what I want out of the next six months.
But how cool is that? (See that’s the reframing.)
How cool is it that I’m 21 and I have no idea what I’m doing?
I used to watch tv shows about being young and wild, and none of those characters ever had their lives figured out. I used to dream about what it would be like to have the opportunity to get to know myself, and to figure out the journey I want to take in life. My mom used to play the Mamma Mia! Soundtrack in the car when I was younger. I would sing along and dream about being Sophie, ditching all the expectations and heading off to travel the world.
I try to remind myself of this whenever I start to feel that pressure creeping in. It’s okay not to have everything figured out right now. It’s more than okay. It’s cool.
This is my bildungsroman. This is my coming of age. I get to do whatever the hell I want and that’s awesome.
On a different note, I have been severely lacking in showing you all my journey in Montana. So here are some photos and cool things I’ve done with the last 115 days.
That’s all for right now. I promise I’ll try to be better about writing in my journal over the next few months. Hopefully you all are as excited about my journey as I am.
If you’re new here and want to know more about me you can find it here. You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok, or listen to my most listened to playlist of the week.
Lots of Love,
Mary Kate